The Thrifty Guide to Ancient Greece

Congratulations, you’ve made it to ancient Greece! Any nausea you feel from the time travel will soon wear off, and you won’t feel like throwing up again until your time travel bill arrives.

At first glance, you may not think ancient Greece is much to look at, what with the dirt roads, dusty hills, and complete lack of chain stores. So, what’s so great about it?

Oh, nothing, really. Only that ancient Greece is the birthplace of everything.

The Greeks are pioneers in painting and sculpture. They invent the musical scale. They lay the foundation for the world’s architecture. They even invent theater. Think about that! Before the Greeks, there is no such thing as a comedy or a tragedy.

The Greeks invent democracy, our system of government. They also create the world’s first trial by jury.

Hippocrates is the founder of modern medicine—he’s the first doctor to treat disease using a scientific method. Herodotus is the world’s first historian. Eratosthenes invents geography. Aristotle figures out that the earth is a round globe. He is also the world’s first zoologist, classifying animals into species. Theophrastus is the first botanist in written history. What do these people have in common? They are all Greek.

The Greeks are the first people to discover that the earth revolves around the sun. The Greeks invent everything from the water wheel to the odometer. For better or worse, we have Greeks to thank for geometry and alarm clocks. Greeks even invent the alphabet that your eyeballs are using to read this sentence.

So, what’s so great about ancient Greece? Only everything. Also, you already asked this question. You may be stuck in a time loop. If so, refer to page 10: “What to Do If Your Time Machine Is Stuck in a Time Loop.”